Why White-Knuckling Doesn’t Work
It’s one month in to a new year and some of you who started strong with a resolution may be feeling some loss of steam or maybe a dip in inspiration. You may also be beating yourself up over a lack of immediate progress, or that what you set out to do may not be what you expected. We see far too many clients “white-knuckling” and FORCING things along thinking that all they need to do is push harder and “stop being such a baby” about it. That type of shaming or toughen-up mentality is far too pervasive in the health and fitness world, and while it may work anecdotally for some of the people you may follow in your fitness sphere or social media, it is seldom what does create real or lasting change for most people.
By the way, it is also totally normal to get into mental spaces of frustration and disappointment whether you use a white-knuckle approach or not, but this article is geared toward giving you more tried and true (and even research backed) methods for making things STICK FOR GOOD. There are lots of ways to keep your fire stoked as we discussed in our last blog, like celebrating small wins and keeping things simple as you focus on the growth PROCESS. And yes, you can also harness some of the principles and methods that lend to greater neuroplasticity; but here we will focus on some best practices for creating the framework and execution for change with your new goals.
White-Knuckling to Keep Hanging On?...
White-knuckling, shaming (self-included), and creating low self-efficacy are not really the way to promote change in yourself. Of course, this may FEEL intuitive since they often don’t feel good to do! After all, if white-knuckling is as miserable as the image the words evoke, then why would you want to spend most of your journey that way. But…We see this idea of just do it and force things along perpetuated ALL THE TIME. We are pushed these one-off or skewed anecdotes of people that white-knuckle their way to the “top”, but these are just that- anecdotal and far from the norm and what tends to work for the vast majority. The thing is, if you don’t have a well-organized framework and tools at your disposal for creating and sustaining change, no amount of “forcing it” in the world will do you any good. Lots of research in this area point to what some better practices may be to attain your goals. If you realize most of the time you will be engaged in the process rather than actually at each goal attained, it makes far more sense to loosen that grip, ENJOY that process, and get more engrossed in mastery of skills rather than pushing to a destination.
Your New Year’s Resolution in Context:
Let’s be clear about new year’s resolutions though…while we don’t believe you NEED to have one, they can in fact be helpful in spurring (and yes, even sustaining) change. That’s partly why we are writing this blog just after the new year after all. We found some great conversation about the topic recently in listening to a excellent Stronger by Science podcast (Big shout out to Helms, Trexler, Nuckols and the crew at SBS for the inspiration) as they had some pretty excellent points on goal setting and a big inspiration for this more practical blog. One study they highlight on new year resolution “resolvers” vs “non resolvers” did show quite a bit higher self-reported success at the 6 month mark at 46% compared to 4% for the latter (Norcross et al 2002). Self-efficacy, readiness and skills possessed to elicit change all were assessed before and were good predictors of whether success would occur. A more recent study with a 1 year follow up showed a 55% success rate! So while these may be biased due to self-report , it is still pretty clear that the new year resolutions can actually lead to some solid change down the road and this may be for one big reason in particular. Resolutions revolve around using what are referred to as “temporal landmarks”. Essentially, we all use delineations in time like days, weeks and years to set change relative to them. This can be quite helpful for starting out and creating an initial drive, goal setting and also tracking. However, it does lack some things in terms of creating sustained change. The idea may motivate us initially to get after something since it’s fresh and new as we have started the new era or journey at a given set time, and it may even lead to a sustained change in some cases as we see, but it also creates leeway by allowing us to have a present vs future self. The problem here can be that we assume the future self has all the tools to get after the change we want and sustain it all while the present self may have some leeway to “get away with things” how they are for a little longer. The key here is that the future self in the NEW year didn’t necessarily have more TOOLS to SUSTAIN change as the present self did on December 31st of the previous year. As the motivation and novelty of the new push wears off, there are no skills to maintain the change. It makes sense that many of the participants mentioned who were successful may have had the tools and support needed. This is key
The Important Stuff: Framework and Tools
So what we will focus on here are the frameworks, tools and skills since we outlined some more important loose principles in our last blog. Think of this as short and practical. We want you to be able to keep things going and stay on track so your “new year new you” habits become lifestyle.
Proper goal setting isn’t SMART it has a Hierarchy and is Connected:
Image credit: Höchli et al. via Stronger By Science
We have been guilty of talking to our clients about SMART (specific measurable actionable realistic timely) goals in the past and we have also seen it work for some. However, after reading this recent review we will likely use it much less for a couple of reasons and introduce this framework (which we also have used) far more often. SMART goals may sound smart but it can be too results focused and idealistic. Eric Helms makes an excellent point that these are often used in performance minded corporate setting and not as often in the contexts we are discussing here. He (and Hochli et al) propose a much better framework we have used as well but in a well organized, interconnected, tiered structure.
Think about creating a GOAL HIERARCHY. These would be a Superordinate (the grand goal), intermediates (subcategories and larger types of behaviors pertaining to the grand goal), and subordinate goals (the specific nitty gritty behaviors and actions themselves).
Here’s why:
SUPERORDINATE goals are vague but can also be very MOTIVATING and FLEXIBLE. They keep you inspired and aspiring but can also be modified by their component intermediate and subordinate goals.
INTERMEDIATE goals support larger goals and can support each other. Intermediates can also be focused on at different times (or perhaps even some jettisoned) while still supporting and getting after your main goal.
Finally, your SUBORDINATE goals can be much more SPECIFIC and ACTIONABLE, AND they can support each other (be tied together even) and support multiple intermediate goals as once. For example, eating extra protein with each meal may not only support your goals of lean muscle mass gains in the gym, or better immune health, but can also support a goal of weight loss. And these can all be part of a superordinate goal of improving overall health.
Sitting down and creating a mind map of your hierarchy starting at the top can be incredibly powerful and give you the scaffolding to build the healthy lifestyle you are setting out on in the first place. Importantly, since you will have the structure, it will be much less likely to collapse when the one or few things you may be trying out don’t go as planned.
Set the Right Tone With Your Goals:
THIS ONE IS HUGE… and another great point Helms echoes (and we have been using for years!) the types of goals and habits we make can really set the tone and ultimately whether we do them and how we view them. Often people go for “avoidance” goals. “NO MORE CARBS!”, “NO MORE ALCOHOL”, etc for the new year. These are ones that cut out a certain thing all together. This is common with diets that avoid a certain type of “bad food”. The fact is there aren’t really any bad foods. But the idea of avoidance can create a negative cycles and lead to excessive restrictions and an unhealthy relationship with food down the road. Disordered eating is a common example here. These avoidance goals have more of a negative tone by nature. Instead, focus on “approach” oriented goals. Research shows that these are not only more enjoyable and less restrictive (obviously since we are including vs avoiding), but they also lead to a more positive outlook and self-evaluation. Research has shown that those setting out with approach goals during the new year were also more likely to have success. The idea is to include more “good” stuff rather than avoid “bad” stuff and this by nature often just makes it so we don’t have the time or place for those things we don’t want any more anyway. We have a 48 week lifestyle program that uses this as a backbone and we have seen this be incredibly successful for almost all that have used it. We never start with takeways and always start by adding an approach oriented goal or behavior FIRST. Not only is the experience more pleasurable and less restrictive, but your mindset becomes more inclusive of healthy things. Healthy inclusion just leads to more healthy things being introduced over time.
Flexibility and Process Oriented
Another big one! If you can be more flexible versus rigid with how you look to engage in the behaviors that support your goals you are more likely to have success. “All or nothing” scenarios that have goals tied into either success or failure where there is no wiggle room do not usually lead to success. You may find some early success but eventually the rigidity can lead to a feeling of unsustainability and dread…. Here comes “NO CARBS” again. What about healthier, more nutrient dense, slower digesting and absorbed carbs if your goal is better blood sugar regulation, weight loss, or better health? Being more flexible with how you pump your brakes allows you to still have some guidelines and control while being able to turn and adapt when life throws some curve balls. Think wiggle room with boundaries still in place. For instance, if you are controlling calories and understand that calories in and out is really a range and more of a moving target, then the idea of flexible restraint fits much better. You can eat 2200 calories one day and 2000 calories another if your goal is 2100 on avg. In the end you don’t have to eat 2100 on the nose every day. We can avoid perfectionism here and go with the flow more easily while still achieving goals.
Similarly, as we mentioned in our last article, thinking about goals under the lens of mastery versus perfection attained and constant performance is a better way to go. You will look to refine technique or learn new skills rather than constantly hit some sort of performance mark. This process focus (mastery) vs outcome (performance) will keep you more engaged in constantly refining skills, learning, and hopefully also ENJOYING the process. The fact is you will spend most of your time engaged in the process rather than the outcome. Most time is spent in practice rather than “the big game” or competition. Focusing on skill development also inspires more confidence and allows you more ease as you pursue your goals. So, if you spend your time getting after, enjoying and refining specific skills then the whole journey will be much more sustainable and enjoyable than if you only focus on the end goal and constantly evaluate performance.
Slack with a cost:
Our favorite overall game-plan framework to use with a better name!
This is an excellent way and probably the most successful way to pursue goals. It combines some of the above ideas into an overall goal attaining framework; and if you like you can think about this in the context of approach goals for an even better time! It is known that if goals or their required behaviors are too easy or too difficult then you might be too bored or too challenged. You need to pick a goal or activity that has the sweet spot of challenge for you. The idea of slack with a cost allows you to pursue goals with some built in slack. If you are constantly drained due to poor sleep habits you can make better sleep hygiene your goal. Instead of setting too easy a goal of 3 days (and perhaps not enough), or a goal of all 7 days, you set a goal of 7 good sleep hygiene days with two flexible “off” days that have cost should you choose to use them. Overall you will still be much better rested and higher functioning, but you may slip back a little on those days you decide to not hold to your sleep hygiene habits. Essentially there is a cost to using up your excused days but you still get towards your end goal of being a more well rested and energized you. This type of approach has been found to be more successful than setting out a framework that requires too much and is too difficult or too little and is too easy. The goal shouldn’t be “sleep better”. It should read more like “Practice my 3 sleep hygiene tools each night but Friday and Saturday can be off days if I choose”
Some Ways to Set Goals:
Find a GOAL SWEETSPOT Set goals that are challenging but not too easy or too difficult so that it is a bit challenging but also doable. This challenge may also tie into greater success because some challenge/effort is indeed required for our brain to get primed to then engrain a behavior. You need effortful focus to get a behavior primed to be more entrained/automatic eventually.
Use MENTAL CONTRASTING: Envision your future successful self and compare it to where you are now in your journey. This can motivate, clarify goals, and help with planning
Try “IF X, THEN Y” type goals. If it’s a M/W/F then I will go for a walk in my neighborhood with the dog in the morning which support my intermediate goals of getting more steps to move more and be less sedentary, which supports my superordinate goal of being healthier overall.
Incentivize a behavior/habit. Try practicing a specific behavior that is a bit more challenging with one that is enjoyable to INCENTIVIZE it a little. You can try listening to your favorite podcast but it needs to be when you go on your 30 min walk.
LINK/STACK behaviors together. If you always workout but have a difficult time doing other self-care like needed mobility work, start linking that to the beginning of your workout before you get started.
Have back-up plans and strategies for when things aren’t ideal, to keep you on track if curve balls get thrown. If you get jammed up at work and miss a gym session or start time, have a plan for working out in shorter period when you get home with less equipment or maybe making another class time.
Supportive Signals
As you may suspect, If the internal and eternal signals you get from your environment aren’t supportive, it can be incredibly difficult to do ANY of the above. These can have a powerful impact on habit formation and whether you can pursue your goals or find yourself spinning your wheels. This can be unsupportive friends or family members, a room that gets as hot as an oven making sleep rough, a food that sparks an off the rails snack fest, or even things we aren’t as consciously aware of like a certain grocery store with a wonderful smelling pizza counter derailing your more goal-oriented dinner plans.
The key is to make sure you reduce the unsupportive and increase the supportive signals and ability to connect with them. This may be choosing a new grocery store that just has the basics, getting friends and family on board or joining a new community that is supportive (in person and online), getting rid of snack foods that you don’t want from your house, or getting something to get your room cool and dark.
Whatever you need to do to get away from what is unsupportive and move toward what is while bringing in new framework and tools to make moving toward your goals easier. We hope you enjoyed this and found this helpful as it was a synopsis of sorts from a SBS podcast blended with our own experiences and thankfully what we have used with success with many clients over the years be it training, health coaching, or otherwise setting out on new goals.
The fact is that it is pretty clear what works for most people whether supported by a peer reviewed journal or just what we see from working with people each day. There are many tried and true techniques that work and we employ these with much of what we do and not just our holistic health coaching as we mentioned. Give these methods a try and see if building habits towards attaining goals becomes a little easier and more successful for you. We often bake these frameworks into our intake paperwork and also revisit them from time to time with each client. Things change and all of the above must be fluid in the context of life not being predictable at times as well as goals changing as you learn and grow.