Food Choices & Shedding Your Former Self - Consistency, Tips, & Common Mistakes
With the new year right around the corner and some holiday season still ahead of us, I started thinking about all of the fit-spiration emails, articles, podcasts etc. that we get bombarded with during these weeks. “Holiday Nutrition Survival Tips”, “New Year, New Mantra”, “Body Transformation Kickoff”, etc. So many speak to getting ready to turn a new page with the new year or focus on less time sucking and energy taxing healthy habits to get through the rest of this one without falling off the wagon.
One particular theme that is bound to and always does come up, whether we like it or not, is nutrition and sticking to better eating habits during the holidays and beyond. This is a time of year when you may be losing focus on what you may have been having success with the rest of the year; or perhaps struggle a bit with all the extra holiday meals, gatherings, and goodies. Or maybe you are thinking ahead to what you hope to do differently or try new in 2023. It’s a time that can be trickier than usual to stay on track with your self-care, nutrition or exercise routine.
However, in full transparency, looking back at some of these articles (ours included in years past) and ones I have seen recently, I was getting a little annoyed with these annually recycled messages. While many of these articles and messages have great content and intent, they can often be idealistic and lack the grittier reality and effort necessary to really turn a page in a lasting way. In essence, they missed the key ingredient I see as part of clients’ journeys that become lifestyle changes, versus transformations that end. Sometimes you need to let go of a part of yourself in a very real and FORCEFUL way to truly make LASTING change. I’ll explain.
How many times have you tied to change a habit or behavior only to find yourself back at it weeks or months later? How many times have you found yourself inspired only to later feel deflated with something you set out to do and ideally SUSTAIN?? Even if you have a successful workout regimen or nutritional habits, there is likely still something you haven’t been able to create lasting change with that you had hoped to.
The issue with many of the messages around “how to change” articles (including our own at times), is that they can lack a really key component: YOU NEED TO OVERRIDE PART OF YOURSELF IN A VERY EFFORTFUL WAY…Yes, you need to actually pull the plug on a part of yourself that is not serving you immediately and long term and you need to DO IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. This isn’t to dismiss the critical role of overall consistency and sustainability that can still see you having some off days, as we will get to that momentarily; BUT it is to say that the mentality shift is essential as lasting change is not easy! You also need to figure out what you will do in the long term once you reach your hard-earned goal.
You may not be new to this message or type of messaging either because many folks in the health and fitness sphere use it. It is also a popular framework used in recovery for addicts. Ultimately some part of who you are in your daily life and habits, the associations you have made, and the patterns you have developed that detract from what you are trying to change need to be let go. Food choices are not just related to hunger after all, and we need to be able to disentangle unhealthy patterns with eating if we have them in a way that helps our overall physical and mental health.
How Do I Override Parts of Who I Am?
In the words of Napoleon Hill, “Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle.”
You need to really give it some massively significant effort and sometimes that is going to be really tough to do initially. But alas, you CAN do it and make lasting change.
Related to this topic, a 2018 review article in Health Psychology by Bishop found that millions of people in the United States have been able to quit risky and unhealthy behaviors on their own accord[i]. As people age, 80-90% appear to be able to moderate or stop things as wide ranging as heroin use to binge drinking; but when it comes to overeating only 20% maintain weight loss. Why only 20%?! We will get back to food and weight loss in a moment, but these findings of success when it comes to self-led health changes for the better is not surprising to me. These stats coupled with the now more accepted idea that personality traits are not as cemented as once believed as we mature, makes these findings even less surprising in my opinion. We’re plastic not cement. Humans can change themselves in a sense!
The main thing to understand when trying to change a part of who you are is that everyone is different in how they may go about it, but you need to actively go up against things that feel very difficult to do, break deeply ingrained easy go-to behaviors, and try things that may be more uncomfortable at first. AND you need to do this very often with focused attention and effort.
Food/nutrition changes like any other change requires focused, effortful attention in behaviors/actions that feel challenging is key in getting things primed and continuing to push for change. If it’s too easy, oftentimes you’re mind and body don’t feel any real urgency or necessity to change, so it is unlikely you will be able to make self-guided lasting change without serious efforts. Sometimes it’s just going to suck! There are always exceptions like hormone mimicking drugs in the case of Semaglutide for weight loss via appetite suppression (since it’s a pill); but by in large, most big changes in the realm of health and fitness require figuring out what isn’t working and making plans with concerted effort to push against what may be now routine. Pushing HARD. This is still likely the case even if there is a pharmaceutical route to take, as it may not address all aspects of what is needed for the lasting change. For instance, the Semaglutide example may help with blood sugar and appetite but it likely does not address the myriad other behaviors that are part of better nutritional practices for health and longevity for that person, but does address one key component.
Yes- It Can Feel a Little Violent
As the word violence implies, the effort and intentions may need to get forceful for change to occur…maybe even downright damaging in intent if that ideation suits you. A part of who you are/were is going to need to go away in a sense. The bottom line is that there needs to be force and power to your intent because not all days will be easy.
The idea of shedding or getting rid of your former self in some ways can be very helpful in allowing you to understand what it may indeed require for lasting change. That former self may never die off completely, but the idea is that you will likely need to keep those remnants at bay with routine and consistent effort.
In fact, for many when it comes to food like with drugs, there will be days (and multiple) where you want and even do indulge in more fun foods than you ought to or you may find yourself dragging hard to stick with a plan. You need to be able to push back against that part of yourself that is resistant to the change and go forward any way. Yes, you can of course have fun and indulgences and they are an important part of life, but you will still need to be able to be able to silence that voice and overwrite it with newfound action and build better habits. You will construct a new version of yourself and re-enforce it. Leaning into the discomfort here is essential; and no there aren’t any easy ways to stick your toes in first.
Getting Started and Momentum
Initial change can be very tough with long held eating patterns…. Lasting change can get a little easier. Making the tougher moves to shed a part of yourself that no longer serves you doesn’t have to be completely agonizing after all. We have written about the importance of visualizing a “past/current” versus “future”-self. This can be a great strategy for not only clarifying what changes you may need to make to get from A to B, but also be pretty darn motivating.
Picturing your future self can indeed help significantly to spur initial efforts with some newly invigorated motivation and get the momentum going. When you take time to visualize and perhaps do something more engaging like writing down the traits and behaviors related to the change wanted/needed in your past versus future self, you start to see exactly what may be holding you back and the tools and behaviors missing from what will get you to where you want to be.
We recommend getting out the old pen and paper and having a column for “past/present” vs “future”-self qualities that both encourage and discourage the changes you are looking to achieve. See what is and isn’t working. The initial kickstart and momentum built from doing this can absolutely help at onset to make things fresh and exciting and also develop some degree of momentum if you get into a rhythm. However, momentum alone will not always sustain the changes especially when it comes to food…
But “Consistency Is King”?
While the ability to change may be initiated by visualizations, motivational and written exercises, seeking guidance from the pros, or maybe an impactful event, the reality is that whatever changes are made need to be sustained. This may be partly why we see many of those who reach their health, or especially weight loss, goals with food changes later not able to maintain once they get there.
The realities of consistency for someone abstaining from heroin may be very different than those trying to stop overeating behaviors. It may very well be that certain foods and ways of eating may actually be more addictive than cocaine or heroin or nicotine; as these all seem to be easier to moderate or cease entirely statistically than keeping off weight from nutritional changes.
It may be easier to consistently abstain over time with these substances rather than overeating in particular. This may be due to a variety of reasons. One is that as we age we may find some of these drugs and other dangerous/unhealthy substances more damaging in a variety of ways and easier to stop or moderate without help. A hacking cough from years of smoking or maybe even more impactful legal and social implications from other illicit drug use may be more of a deterrent than the slow weight gain or more hidden metabolic issues from food choices. It may also be that drugs are more taboo to talk about than poor nutrition choices so we don’t see that many more successfully win their battles with them than we tend to see reported since it can be more embarrassing for some to discuss. On that same note we may also see someone who diets on and off as still in process rather than succeeding or not since it may not be as clear cut a using or not using a substance.
However, I think the key reason we see folks struggle to maintain healthy nutrition changes or consistently keep weight off after making better choices for a length of time is that consistency with dietary decisions is just harder. While it is absolutely necessary to find a consistent nutritional strategy to maintain whatever weight loss or health outcomes, it is just tough for most people to stick with what they initially began doing. We usually see someone find a diet that is new to them and at first exciting, engaging, and easy to stick to for a some time (perhaps months or even longer). However, what we also tend to see with people who are not successful with maintaining weight loss or healthy eating goals is that what was once sustainable and consistent is no longer. The newness and excitement wear off, a goal was reached but no plans were made for next steps, or perhaps the root causes were never addressed so a best diet strategy was never well thought out to begin with.
To have success with healthier eating habits and maintaining weight loss, consistency is far more important than any other factor making it essential that the dietary choices you make line up with something you actually can and want to do LONG TERM. So yes, consistency is still king when it comes to sustaining a change in behavior or maintaining an outcome; but how do you even do that with food?
Why is the success rate for change with diet so much less than with dangerous substances like drugs?
Table credit: Bishop 2018
The reality is that there are incredibly real health dangers with overeating and certainly overeating certain types of foods just like with certain drugs. You can see some of the reasons people who abstain from cocaine versus overeating did and how they chose to maintain in the table above. We see the problems with overeating continue to play out in the healthcare system with more metabolically unhealthy individuals than ever before in the United States. And the success rate for the self and other interventions for healthier eating as in the case of ceasing overeating remains low. Why?
It may be that whatever intervention works initially for someone like it does to cease or moderate drug use does not work the same way with food. Social implications from others as well as how people view themselves may be a big reason with certain drugs like cocaine but may be different with food since overeating does not always carry the same social stigma (though it certainly can). Health concerns do seem to be a big factor for those who attempted to modify overeating behaviors but they may not be enough to sustain. Addictive properties of many processed food products consumed more than ever before may be one reason as well since these foods are mre numerous and readily available than ever before. This goes beyond physiological processes in the gut and brain, and happens on a behavioral and social level with many of these foods as well, just like with drugs or alcohol. Whether social gatherings and pressures that go with them, or general acceptance of certain fun to eat foods, the issue goes beyond the food itself and what it does in the body. Last, but maybe most importantly, we all eat food in many contexts outside of hunger and we also need to eat food to survive. Neither is the case for other illicit substances. Therefore, we really don’t have as many avenues to avoid many of the issues we may encounter that encourage unhealthy eating/drinking habits.
I believe the other HUGE reason for lack of success is LACK OF PLANNING for WHAT YOU WILL DO ONCE YOU REACH MILESTONES OR YOUR GOAL. Most people who are unsuccessful with weight loss or healthy eating maintenance fail to sustain because they didn’t come up with a game plan for once they got to where they wanted and/or the initial changes they maid were not something sustainable for them. For example, the low carb diet may have worked to cut out some extra calories, but it wasn’t a long-term strategy for a way of eating to maintain forever. Someone who ceases cocaine use may have likely stopped certain social interactions or gained more support, but that may not play out as easily with food. Meals may likely still be with the same people and food is likely still purchased from the same places; and social support may not be as easy to come by for someone looking to abstain from eating more desserts or extra calories from a variety of foods. Finally, there seems to be a greater acceptance and even encouragement for eating certain foods that may not be the best for us AND for overeating in general (think stereotypical Thanksgiving)
While it can be easier for someone to stop taking a particular substance and maintain that, it can be way more difficult and complex to find a way of eating that is sustainable for you long term beyond reaching a goal.
Reality Sets In- Most Importantly Planning Ahead…
With that said, perhaps it’s time more health aligned professions started having more long-term strategy conversations with dieters or people looking to just make better nutritional choices. Maybe you yourself can take this coming new year as a time to go beyond what you did last year and make it SUSTAINABLE rather than a month long restrictive diet plan.
Can you think of a way of eating that is healthier for you, but more importantly a way of eating you can do for years and years? What will you do once you reach your healthy eating goal if you do decide to take a less sustainable initial approach? Can you think of a way to transition from a more regimented strategy to a slightly looser but more stress free one that you truly enjoy each day and can adhere to forever?
These are all questions you can now ask yourself if you have not had success in the past and make that future proof game plan that is actually doable versus finding yourself where you wanted to be in the new year but then not know where the heck to go next. If you need help with that, we would love to help you!
Helpful But REALISTIC Tips
Change is incredibly hard and the harder the more ingrained a behavior or trait. This is especially the case with food. Plan ahead and be prepared to make a tough and concerted initial effort and realize that consistency is king but it also comes with challenges that will make you have to lean harder into things that may not be comfortable to do. If it helps you, you can try to think of the initial and continued process like you are actually shedding a part of yourself and reinforcing a new you. Practicing greater self awareness/monitoring, developing tools for cognitive restraint (i.e. mindfulness based practices), and learning how to adopt more balanced and longer term strategies that you can be consistent with is key.
Don’t get caught in no man’s land and then backslide. Make a plan for when you do reach your goals. Make your initial plan something you will at the very least actually be able to do most all of the time and do try to make it something you hopefully enjoy. Then figure out if that will be sustainable. If not, make a plan for maintaining your goals for when you get there. Dietary choices should not be a means to an end or constant struggle and need to be something you want to do long term. Seek professional help if you don’t know how to do this.
Food can be addictive in a way that we are still not entirely sure of. It goes beyond just physiology and has significant psychological ties. You can track and plan all you want, but if your daily nutrition routine doesn’t take social and psychological factors into account than it may be short-sighted and unsuccessful.
You CAN change and you are more malleable than you may even fully realize. Don’t get discouraged when you have a tough or less than ideal day. There will be many, but as long as you keep working with effort and honor your commitment to sustain, you will be able to make lifelong change.
[i] Self-guided Change: The most common form of long-term, maintained health behavior change, F Michler Bishop, Health Psychology Open 2018 5:1